


Cuts and bruises

by eammovies



Series: Jake Peralta and his many plights [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: And More Angst, Angst, But with a happy ending, Complete, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Drunk Jake Peralta, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2020-12-31 21:07:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21152222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eammovies/pseuds/eammovies
Summary: Jake Peralta’s day at 7 years old and Jake Peralta’s day at 31 years oldT/W: Past & current abuse, self harm (nothing  is like graphic though) please don’t read if these trigger you!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!!!!TW: ABUSE AND SELF HARM!!!!!!!!!!!  
Please don’t read if these trigger you! I love you all and I hope you enjoy!  
Also I got this idea from a prompt I’m this book called “642 Things To Write About” it’s a great book and I definitely recommend it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I then hear whispered into my ear so only I could hear “Hey kid .” I flinch a little at the venom that so obviously laces the words. I freeze for a second knowing the meaning of those words. I then put on the patented Peralta Smile. The smile that’s so bright it distracts from lines on my arms or slow fading bruises.
> 
> “Hey Dad!” I say with a happy tone.

** Age 7 **

I wake up and start getting ready for school. I’m going to be late as usual. I grab the price of toast Mom made for me hug her goodbye and run out the door. Dad is asleep so I don’t say goodbye to him. I make it to the bus stop just as the bus arrives.  _ (A/N: I go to a private school and we don’t have a bus so sorry if that was inaccurate) _ I sit on the bus by myself till Gina gets on where she sits next to me. She smiles at me then she starts talking I listen intently because I have nothing else to do. When we get to school I run to my homeroom and get my day started 

_ ——————Time skip to the end of the day—————— _

After a long day I go home with Gina. I hangout with her until about 10. As I was getting ready to walk home Dad pulls up to Gina’s house. Dread fills my stomach. He only picks me up when he’s mad. Gina gives me a concerned look but I just smile at her. The ride home was quite. As soon as we walk in the door Dad heads to the liquor cabinet. He takes out a bottle of vodka pours himself a drink after drink after drink. I run to my room and hide in my closet. I hear a sort of a thud then glass shattering then crying. It’s mom crying I know. I hear foot step steps and my breath speeds up. I close my eyes then light floods into the closet. I look up to see Dad standing there belt raised angry as ever and he says to me “Hey _kid_.” The words he always spoke before covering me with bruises. The words that make me shake with fear. Tears fall down my face as Dad lowers the belt.

** Age 31 **

I pull myself out of a trance. I had been day dreaming for the 16th time today. I hear someone walk in. I recognize the footsteps. My stomach drops. I know those footsteps. I look in my monitor to see who it is . I pale as my fears were confirmed. There he is my father, the man who abandoned and hurt me and my mother, walking towards my desk.

I glance around the bullpen then my eyes land on Gina who now us looking furiously at Dad. Holt walks out of his office with a confused face. And Amy looks fairly concerned most likely because I’m paler than a ghost. Rosa looks slightly confused and Boyle looks outraged.

Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I then hear whispered into my ear so only I could hear “Hey _kid_ .” I flinch a little at the venom that so obviously laces the words. I freeze for a second knowing the meaning of those words. I then put on the patented Peralta Smile. The smile that’s so bright it distracts from lines on my arms or slow fading bruises.

“Hey Dad!” I say with a happy tone. Dad straightens and smiles then introduces himself to the precinct. They know to some extent of what he did. They knows he was neglectful but only Gina knows what else he was to me.

The whispered words echo in my ear. I stare blankly at the ground. I stay like that until dad calls my name. He says he needs me to come with him. I comply and follow him. I don’t know how but we ended in an alley like 30 minutes away from the precinct. That’s when he repeats the words. The words the haunted me throughout my entire life. He take his belt off and I start to cry.

I thought I escaped this. I thought I was free. But just when I think he is about to hit me he says something. He says “You know you’ve always been a disappointment. When you played on you little baseball team you were always the worst.God what I would give to have any other kid than you.” He then takes out his flask and drinks from it. He throws me his keys and tells me to drive.

I don’t remember the drive back. I was in the the alley then the next second I wasn’t. I sit down at my desk at continue working. I don’t know where Dad went but I don’t see him. I can’t think. I can’t think so I go to the bathroom and make lines on my skin. After I can think again I go back to my desk and start working again.

Soon enough it’s five and I’m grabbing my stuff. Usually I would stay late to talk with Amy but I can barely even think straight right now. I drive home and then lay in bed and eventually I start to drift off.

I’m about to fall asleep when I hear a knock at my door. I know who it is and I accept what’s going to happen. I let him in and then he says he’s staying for a couple months and he’s crashing at my place. I nod knowing he won’t take no for an answer. I know what’s to come in these few months and I guess I’m ok with it. 

_ —————— Time Skip to a few weeks later—————— _

The cuts have been increasing day by day and that’s ok. Amy is constantly shooting me concerned looks. Gina sending me texts almost constantly. Boyle staring at me intensely. Rosa looking at me from time to time. Holt spying on me for his office. Terry asking me if I’m ok a lot more often. All to which I respond with “I’m fine! I promise!”

The more days that past the more injuries I have. I’ve started shaking. I talk a lot less. I’m more jumpy. I just pray none of my coworkers notice. But I work with amazing detectives so the odds of them not noticing are slim to none. 

After a few days Gina pulls me into a secluded room. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m starting to panic when she hugs me. She says in a hushed tone “I’m always here for you boo.” She then pulls away just enough so we can see each other’s faces. I smile and say “I know”. 

Then she asks me a question. A question I didn’t want to answer. “Does he still hit you?” I stand there frozen. “No. No he doesn’t.” I say. “Bullshit” she quickly replies. “No I promise” I say knowing it the truth. “Then what did he do when he took you out of the precinct the day he got here?” She asks. “To yell at me” I say with a shy tone.

A look of concern and realization flashes across her face then she hugs me. “Do you wanna stay at my place?” She offers. “No I think I’m ok” I say. “Ok but call me if he tries to do anything. Ok?” She says firmly. “Yeah I will I promise.” I lie. 

She hugs me before leaving and I just stand there for a minute not knowing what to do. After like 5 minutes I go back to my desk. Santiago sends me a look a great concern and I smile and give her a thumbs up. I then see holt look at me suspiciously through his office window and I just smile even more. Then when it hits 5 I go home. When I get there Dad sitting there waiting for me. I know what’s coming but honestly I don’t care.


	2. Chapter 2

** Age 7 **

I step up to the batting plate and get ready to hit the ball. 

The small crowd gathered quiets. The pitcher throws the ball. I hit it and run to first, second, then third base. I stop at third since the pitcher has the ball again. 

The next batter steps up to the plate. He hits it then I run to home base.

As I walk into the dugout my father says "good job, Sport." I force a smile then sit down on the bench. The rest of the game is kind of a blur.

\----Time skip bc I'm lazy ;)----

I walk into my house with my dad just behind me. "Great fucking job idiot you almost cost us the game."

I look down to the ground trying to hide my shame.

Dad takes out a bottle of liquor. He chugs most of it then stops and says "you cause this you know that." He finishes the bottle then smashes it on the floor. 

I feel a little bit of glass lodged into my left foot. I say to him "I'm sorry." He lifts my chin up so I'm looking directly at him. "Damn right you are" he spits out.

I struggle to hold back tears. He drops his hand and straightens up. He then reaches for his belt and starts to unbuckle it. "This is your fault you fucking failure." 

With that, he lowers his belt and I'm left with even more bruises.

**Age 31**

I walk into work and sit at my desk. As soon as I'm settled in Holt calls me into his office.

I sit down and he says "Peralta, is everything alright with you?" "No doubt about it dude," I say awkwardly. "Why do you ask?" I say as casually as possible. 

"Well your father is in town and I know about your past with him and I just want to make sure everything is ok." I force a smile. "Well, I'm better than ever so no need to worry."

"Ok then, but Jake you do know I'm here for you." I smile sincerely and say "I know." 

With that, I stand up and leave. I sit at my desk and begin working.

"Hey um is everything ok?" Amy says concerned. "Why does everyone keep asking that? Anyways yes I'm perfectly fine." I say.

Amy gives me a worried look but I just get back to work.

\----Time skip bc I have an idea----

Dad is yelling at me for the fifth time today. And I'm starting to get fed up with his shit so I start to leave. 

"Where the hell are you going?" he yells at me.

"Away," I say as I walk out the door. 

I walk to Sal's. I dial Gina's number and press call. She picks up after the first ring.

"Everything ok?" when says this it's like a dam breaks. I start to sob. "Jake? Jake! Jake where are you?" I manage to choke out the word "Sal's." 

She says almost immediately after "I'm on my way." After a few seconds of silence on her end she says, "Hey Jake, everything is going to be ok. I love you." _(A/N: I mean she loves him in like a sibling way, not a romantic way)_ "I love you too." I sob out

Gina gets there in record time. She runs over to the table I'm sitting at and gives me a hug. 

"So what's been happening?" I then tell her everything.

\----Time Skip because I suck at dialogue----

We talk for hours and I start to feel a little better. Then when I look at the time my heart drops. Dad will throw a fit at how late I've been out.

"Why don't you crash with me tonight?" Gina offers. "Thank you but I've got it handled," I say. 

I walk over and hug her and say "thanks for always being there for me girl." "No problem girl." I laugh and start heading towards home. 

Before I get home I hit a few bars because why not. When I finally get home I'm heavily intoxicated.

"Where the hell have you been?" Dad yells. I can barely comprehend what he's saying so I said: "can you just fuck off." 

Dad drinks the rest of the bottle of alcohol he was holding and then screamed "don't you  ever  talk to me like that again you little shit." 

Dad throws the bottle he was holding at the wall next to me. 

I feel a line of blood drip down the side of my face.

" Fuck you ." I say then storm out of my small apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm so sorry this took so long for me to write I just had like zero motivation to write. Anyways I think the next chapter will be the last one but it'll be fairly long. I really hope you like the story so far! I haven't really included much peraltiago but trust me it will be a part of chapter three. It will take a while for me to write it because it's going to be pretty long, so please be patient! Anyways I love you guys and hope you have a wonderful day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”And after years of drowning, I can finally breathe.”

**Age 7**

Dad puts his belt back on and I lower my head in shame as I walk up the stairs to my room.

I force myself not to cry because I know it will only make him madder. I close my door. I lay down on my bed. I stare up and my ceiling. I hear yelling from my parents downstairs.

Suddenly everything becomes quite. I don't realize that it isn't me just going numb it's real silence. I stand up slowly, and gently open my door.

There I see my mother sobbing back pressed against the door. She has blood dripping down her head. Not much but I know there shouldn't be any.

The next day I expect dad to be back. It's the routine. He hurts us, leaves, sleeps with some random women, then comes back the next day as if nothing happened.

But then it's the next day and he's not back. And then the next and then the next week then the next month and then another month.

I think I knew he was gone for good after the first day, but I didn't admit it until it was February (he had left in December).

Gina had been trying to support me but despite all her efforts, I felt nothing. But I also felt everything. It was like everything was a blur but was clear. I was confused.

I felt like I could finally breathe but I was also suffocating.

I didn't talk for a month. Nothing.

My mom made me go to therapy. I still said nothing.

Finally, on the 6th day of April, I said to Gina, "I think I'm dying."

Gina stopped what she was doing and looked at me and said: "What do you mean?"

I ignored her question "I feel like I'm finally able to breathe but at the same time my lungs are filled with water."

And despite my young age, it's what I felt. All my emotions were so contradicting and I just wanted everything to end.

And so I told her that.

She hugged me and told me that everything would be alright and that she's always there for me.

And yet I still felt alone.

Then after months and eventually years of therapy and talking and crying and hugging, I felt like I could finally breathe again.

I felt… _free_.

**Age 31**

As soon as I left my apartment building I started crying.

I didn't realize where I was going until Gina was ushering me inside her apartment.

I felt myself brake and I was crying on her couch. She comforted me but I wasn't listening to what she was saying.

I only heard her say to me, "Jake, you know that just because he was a trash person doesn't mean you are. This wasn't your fault. I love you so much." she squeezed my shoulders with the last sentence.

I effortlessly reply, "I love you too Gina."

I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes. Gina insists I stay over and so I do.

She lets me sleep on the bed even though I protest.

"Jake, dude, really it's fine. My couch is really comfy anyways. Night." She says walking away without giving me a chance to reply.

I feel the ghost of a smile come over me. I lay down and I know at the end of the day I'll be ok.

\---------------_But wait there's more!_ Yeah that's not the end of the chapter haha--------------

I wake up and Gina carpools with me to work. I sit at my desk and flash Amy a smile.

Amy looks happy. I feel better than I did last night.

The mood is light in the precinct and everything seems fine until Dad walks in.

He walks up behind me and my face drops. He leans in close and whispers in my ear: "We need to have a talk Jakey."

"Yeah no- uh no problem," I say timidly. "Just um, follow me." 

Dad and I walk over to an interrogation room per his request. Once we're inside I turn to him and say "So what's up?"

With that, a fist comes flying at my face. Out of pure instinct, I dodge it. The door flies open and Rosa tackles my dad.

I don't really know what's happening until it's all over. I stand there frozen when Amy walks up to me and hugs me.

At first, I flinch a little bit but then I melt into her embrace. At some point, I start crying. She rubs my back and says "it's gonna be ok" over and over.

The rest of the day is a blur. I go sleep on the couch in the break room and when I wake up it already 4:30.

I try to stand up but a wave of nausea rushes over me and I make a beeline for the closest trash can. Soon I'm throwing up.

As soon as my stomach is cleared, I stand up and walk out into the bullpen. I can vaguely hear Holt yelling at someone, presumably my father, and for some reason, I feel a pang of happiness. 

Then Amy rushes over to me and says "Hey Jake, I'm going to take you home ok?"

I nod and Amy walks me to the elevator.

I must have zoned out because the next thing I know Amy is sitting me on my couch.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." I smile a forced smile and Amy kisses my forehead.

"I love you and if you need to talk I'm always here." She says looking at me directly in the eyes. She holds the sides of my face with her hands. And once again I feel that pang of happiness.

I hold her wrists and say "I love you too."

We both know there's something there but now's not the time to talk about that.

Amy drops her hands and sits next to me on the couch. I put my head on my shoulder and I start talking. About everything.

And once again I go to therapy, and I talk, and Amy and I hang out, and sometimes everyone goes to Shaw's together, and eventually, it gets better.

And after years of drowning, I can finally breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so sorry it took so long for me to write this I just didn't have any motivation to write but I'm finally back! Anyways I hope you guys liked this story! I've worked really hard on it, and any and all feedback is welcome! Thank you guys so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ao3 fanfic I’ve written other fanfics but not on ao3 so I hope you guys liked it! Also I got this idea from a writing prompt in a book called “642 Things To Write About”. It’s a really great boon for writers and has some great prompts in it! Another thing just want to apologize for any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes I’m really bad at that kind of stuff lmao. Kudos and comments appreciated!


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